The United States Postal Service:

WE CARE

Dear Postal Customer:

We sincerely regret the damage to your mail during handling by the Postal Service. We hope this incident did not inconvenience you. We realize that your mail is important to you and that you have every right to expect it to be delivered in good condition.

Although every effort is made to prevent damage to the mail, occasionally this will occur because of the great volume handled and the rapid processing methods which must be employed to assure the most expeditious distribution possible.

We hope you understand. We assure you that we are constantly striving to improve our processing methods in order that even a rare occurrence may be eliminated.

Please accept our apologies.

Sincerely,

Your Postmaster

Me: Where's the other half?

Apparently, they expeditiously distributed half of my tutoring pay stub -- envelope and all -- to . . . somewhere else?  I guess?  Good thing I use direct deposit.